First, last night Beth and I attended a beautiful wedding, and the occasion was overflowing with joy. The parents of the bride especially. The father of the bride (Dale, whom we know) was asked to issue a challenge to the bride and groom. I'll not share the whole thing, but to his new son-in-law he shared this paraphrased wisdom: "I know you think you know that men and women are different, but buddy you ain't seen nothin' yet. She will act differently than you, think differently than you, and communicate differently than you. Treat her gently, as if she were fragile, and love her as Christ loved loved His church and gave Himself sacrificially for her."
Second, during this wedding reception Ms. Alison (6mo) was quite tired and needed to sleep. I performed my daddy magic and took her to a quiet place and got her to sleep on my arm. When I arrived back at the table, Alison had ooched her dress up against my arm while trying to get comfortable. I hadn't noticed, but Beth mentioned that her honor was impugned, and a friend of ours sitting at our table commented to much laughter that he didn't know anything about her honor, but her belly was showing.
Third, speaking of weddings, before Beth and I were married we spent a summer weekend hanging out with a sizable group of people at a friend's home. Years later, after we were married and had our first child, we attended a wedding for another college friend. The mom of the friend whose house we stayed at came over to our table. She exchanged pleasantries and then proceeded to inform the table about how she walked in on Beth and I while we were "making out" at her house. This was a shock to Beth and I! Not only at the lack of social grace, but also at the fact that the story wasn't true! We were so caught off guard that our attempts to deny sounded oddly defensive, and she refused to drop it. We still to this day cannot determine who she mistook us for, or how she came to this conclusion.
And fourthly, there is a young married couple that goes to our church. The young lady often chooses church clothing that, well, garners quite a bit of inappropriate attention - today from a whole row of drooling teenage boys who could not control themselves enough to face forward. We wonder if she knows? We wonder if her new husband knows? Or, do they both know perfectly well and think other people are fully responsible for their own actions and responses and need to just get over it?
The issue these stories bring to my mind is whether, as men, we are our sister's keeper. This phrase is a variation of a verse that comes from the book of Genesis, after Cain killed his brother Abel. God knew this had happened, and he confronted Cain about it:
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Where is your brother Abel?" "I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?" - Genesis 4:9
How much responsibility do we have to one another? Should everyone be free to make their own decisions, and are those who disagree and say so merely judgmental? Specifically, as men, what is our responsibility towards the women in our lives?
As men, we need to take a really close look at the relationships with have with women - wife, mother, daughters, friends. How do we treat them? Do we value their honor? Do we defend it? Do we treat them as fragile - not because they are not strong, but because we as men are called to put aside our brutish ways and love them delicately? Do we call out other Christian men for not defending the honor of the women in their lives?
Concerning my second story, I want to be a father who defends my daughter's honor and purity until she finds that man who God set aside for her to spend her life with. She may make choices that I don't agree with, but with temperance and wisdom, I want to gently guide her into adulthood and become like the dad from my first story. Proverbs 22:6 tells me I should "train a child in the way she should go, and when she is old she will not turn from it".
Concerning my third story, I wish I would have had a stronger response to this situation. My social desire to attempt politeness in response to a rude situation trumped my instinct to defend my wife's honor, but I've struggled with it since. I was created to protect my wife and family, and I'm not convinced I did the right thing by seeking peace at the expense of truth.
Concerning my forth story, Paul clearly states in 1 Timothy 2:9-10 about appropriate dress. But he also states in Romans 14 that we should not judge one another. But then he goes on to say, and this is key - that even if something is permissible, it is not always beneficial, and that if by doing something permissible we cause another brother or sister to stumble, then we are at fault. We are our brother's keeper. We are our sister's keeper. Not for our own edification, but for His. We are to hold one another accountable, not to judge, but to sharpen one another. However that accountability, when not mutual, is not winsome. So I believe that as men, we need to foster close relationships with other men and encourage each other to be leaders our homes if we want to see lasting change.
And, best for last - as for the first story, that challenge is exactly how I want to treat my wife each day. And, just as Dale raised his daughter to be grounded in faith, but also to soar high on the winds like eagles, I too want to be that joyous father giving his daughter to a loving and gentle man of faith. Someday... not any time soon, mind you. But someday. Until then, I will raise her with honor, and be her keeper.
